Get up, Again!
Who would've thought that starting to write my first blog article would be so hard, yet so intimidating. I've meant to write to you years and years ago, but never had the courage to do so.
But, wait a minute! Did I really mention "never had the courage to do so"?
Who am I kidding?
Why did I just even mention "courage"?
Who am I kidding?
What does "courage" have to do with it?
Forgive me my dear reader, but I'm still in the process of absorbing what is happening to me and especially, to reflect on what had really happened in those long, yet painful years.
You see. I died during the last holidays for the nth time.
I wonder how will I describe this last death to you?
This last death felt as if I was mindfully dying. As if the "self", who I thought of her to be the real "me", just died.
For the first time, I didn't want to run away from this death.
I didn't want to hide my face.
I didn't want to suppress my pain and my sufferings.
I didn't want to stop my tears to fall.
No, no, no...
Please Let Them Be.
Let them go through what they're meant to live and what they're meant to make me experience.
They had a purpose.
They needed to go through my veins, my whole body, my heart, and my soul.
And my role in all of this?
It was suddenly clear.
All that I needed to do, for the first time in my Life, is to Let Them Be and allow them to cross over my body in order for them to find their way away from my soul and my purpose.
Yes, I've lived them fully, consciously, mindfully, one feeling and one deep breath at a time. It felt as if they were embodying my whole being.
I Surrendered... I just couldn't fight them any longer.
But where shall I go? What will I do? How will I go through this, again? Will I be able to get up, again? Please God! Please Angel! Tell me what to do! Please guide me in my agony. I needed a refuge. But where shall I go to hide? Where shall I disappear?
Here it is. It's just there, in front of my eyes!
The fear of judging mySELF as a lazy human being during the Pain, simply vanished.
Yes, Yes, Yes... Finally, I got it...
I am allowed to rest.
I am allowed to take a break.
I am allowed to take a deep breath.
I am allowed to just BE.
I am allowed to feel what I need to feel.
and most importantly, I am allowed to cry, and that is OK.
I've finally understood that it's not a sign of weakness, but a sign of finally acknowledging that it's OK and that it's going to be OK.
So, you would ask me, "what happened"?
Well, ironically, my bed, suddenly, lost its usual purpose of a hideaway. Then, profoundly and lovingly, it got transformed into my comfortable and welcoming nest; my pillow into my soft support; and my comforter into my hugging but surely protective healer.
I Can Finally Rest.
I Can Finally Give mySELF the Permission to Rest.
This too shall pass.
Nothing is permanent.
I suddenly became the observer of my pain and sufferings, and the tears were slowly fading away...
In retrospect, I can correct what I just wrote above in my first sentence to "I just wasn't awakened, enough".
Yes, I wasn't awakened enough.
It's true that I've been doing the "WORK", or shall I say that I've been Trying to do the "WORK".
Yes, it seems that I never gave up, so THEY say...
Even though, in those darkest painful moments, where I wanted to give it all up, my Angel, would show up and would lift me up, little by little.
Yes, indeed, my Angel, was with me all the way.
Each and every one of us has an Angel, a Hero, a God, a Spirit, or whatever you want to name it. What I've learned for sure is that we just need to follow our intuition and be aware of their presence, simply.
They are always HERE to help us get up, again and again and again until we Rebirth with Love and Rise above it all.
With all my Love.